Spring break was pretty cool. Once it actually got started, and I was finally out of rehearsals after the first half of the week.

That is, until Wanda Honda, my car, decided to literally just start falling apart. She's been so good to me for the last two years, so it was bound to happen that something would go wrong. I was driving along in the middle of Houston, and went over a speed-bump, at safe, normal speed-bump going speed, and there was suddenly this huge clatter, and she just stalled. So I pulled over, and popped the hood, and checked it out. Not the best idea, since I was a pretty seedy area, and these two hobos were like, WhAT Was THat NOisE!? They tried to help me figure it out, but I just decided to get out of there. I couldn't very well stay there much longer, and my phone had died, so I decided to try to make it home. It was really scary. I had to go all the way from downtown to home, on 59. The car was shuddering, and making loud clanging, grinding noises the whole time. It didn't stall at all. But basically I got home, by the shear Grace of God, and then the next day was Sunday, so I couldn't do anything about it. So I woke up really early on Monday and prayed the whole way while I took her to the shop and it was determined that the motor mount had busted. The guy said he couldn't believe I made it all the way from my house to the shop without the engine basically falling out from under my car. I decided to not mention that I had driven roughly 30 miles, down the freeway, at high speeds with the engine hanging on for dear life. So, yesterday my dad had to drive me back to San Marcos, since Wanda won't be ready until today at the earliest. It was one of those 3 hour long silent road trips. But, he bought me lunch at Luling Bar-B-Q, which was really country bumpkin, in both the worst and best ways.

Now that I'm back from Spring Break and all, I'm really dreading the next few weeks. Tomorrow, tech rehearsals start for Macbeth, of which we have three. Then four dress rehearsals, and then opening night is a week from tomorrow. At the same time, I have two midterms during opening week. Have to read a book about the Reformation in Italy, that's due on Tuesday that I haven't started yet. For philosophy, I have to read a book by Freud. It makes my head hurt, thinking about all of the crap I have to do. Also, have to register for classes in the next two weeks. And, I have to completely re-do my prompt book, which is no small task.

Anyways, If you're in the Austin/San Marcos area, you should definitely come see Macbeth. April 2-4, 7-9 at 7:30PM; April 5 at 2 PM. Texas State University, Theater Building. It looks like a big round orange castle surrounded by a moat.

Met some cool people tonight. Don't do that often. Hung out for a long time. Just got home. Oopsies. Class tomorrow. Test the next day. Rehearsal for 12 hours between now and then. I don't care. It's all good. Watched some of Weird Science. Borrowed The Goofy Movie. All is good. I'm proud of myself, and that's alright.


I am a Golden God!!

I have become quite the nature freak as of late. Well, the past two days really. I always liked nature and all, but I've been really active lately.

On Thursday, I became the newest member of the Texas State Water Ski Team! On Thursday, I signed up. On Friday, I tried out. It was awesome. I haven't water skied in so long, I can't even remember the last time I went. Nonetheless, I did it, and I slalomed! what what!

And today, I kayaked up and down the San Marcos River!!! And then I jumped in the water right next to the spring. It was mighty frigid, but it was fun. I just wish it was sunny today like it was yesterday. Maybe tomorrow. Oh, and Monday, my class is canceled because my prof's wife had a baby so I have a super duper long weekend!!! Huzzah!

I just heard an ice cream truck and it made me smile...

What seemed impossible has finally happened. I enjoy reading textbooks. I enjoy doing research. I enjoy doing homework. What the hell is wrong with me? The overwhelming sense of accomplishment that I get from completing assignments (and on time!) is pretty much like a drug that I can't get enough of. And what's great is that once I do something, there's always more to be done! You could say that I love school, aside from all the other bullshit that goes along with it. I have never wanted to just learn as much as I do these days.

Pardon the ambiguity, but the following is not a joke. Seriously. I got a pretty amazingly exciting e-mail about an opportunity that I can't really tell you about, otherwise I would have to kill you when said opportunity comes to fruition. But, I can't accept the offer. Nonetheless, I was really happy about it. Maybe later on down the road.

I have my first actual test-type exam at Texas State in a little less than an hour. It's for philosophy. Yay for a love of thinking. It's not going to be hard, I don't think. It sort of shocked me that I'm already in my second semester here, and I've yet to take a test with scantron and those trusty #2s. I hope that I haven't forgotten how to do all that bubbling in I've been doing since the 2nd grade. God forbid.

Aside from that I've got to do a teeny tiny bit of homework this weekend, including read The Merchant of Venice, watch The Merchant of Venice, read a bunch of articles about Jews in Venice, write a paper about said materials, read about 8,504 pages of history for Western Civ and my Renaissance and Reformation class, and on top of that figure out what the fuck is going on in my French class. I hate it that I tend to have teachers/professors who are in their first year of teaching and don't know what the hell is going on or how to operate the online sections of class and expect us to meet the requirements set forth by the university but can barely comprehend the means of teaching.

I'm sorry I sound whiny all the time. I'm just tired of being in school. I should stop saying that though, since I've already come to the conclusion that I sort of want to stay in school so long as the economy stays in the crapper. Yay for prolonging my undergrad as much as possible and holding out for grad school.

In brighter news, Macbeth is going swimmingly, mostly because the stage manager is off busy doing something else, so basically I'm pretty much in charge. And I treat people like human beings past a 4th grade reading level with at least a some form of respect.

I'm officially the biggest, mostest stupiderest person alive.

I'm sitting in rehearsal right now. It's fight call day, so I basically sit and watch four guys learn how to fake fight. With really big swords. This whole process has become really disappointing. I was really really really looking forward to working on Macbeth. I really just don't like the people I'm working with a whole bunch. That's what really gets me down sometimes. If I have a job, or am working on a project I absolutely have to be working with people that I can get along with. Otherwise, my whole attitude gets all kinds of wonky. Just two and half more months of going absolutely crazy. yippee.

Another year, come and gone. What is there to say? To all of you out there, whether you're reading this or not. May you have a Happy, and safe, New Year's celebration.

I look forward to 2009 with optimism for myself, my friends, my family, and the whole world. It's times like these, in which we have a chance to look back at the past year, and those before it and can see all that we've done in just a short period of time. May the new year bring peace, hope, and love to everyone.

Here's to 2009! Cheers!!!

I don't want to talk about it too much, but I don't feel too good about myself at this point in time. I did something really, really stupid last night. I was pretty sick with myself afterword. I haven't been in that kind of place in a long time. And I haven't even started to see the repercussions for my actions, and I already feel the shame and guilt as if I have.

Other than that, I get bored pretty easily these days. Probably why I end up doing stupid, idiotic things with my time. Working keeps me busy, when I'm working that is. When I'm not, I just go home and wallow. I guess now, more than ever, is a good time to come up with some really positive new year's resolutions. As corny as they are, and as much as I try to stay away from corny, I think it'd be good for me at this point to try and have some positive goals going on. Most of all, I really want to make some more friends. It's not that I don't like the friends I've got, it's just that I really need more than the two or three really close friends I've got. I guess I just want to be liked, but who doesn't? I have a feeling that assistant stage managing the Scottish Play is going to help a lot. And yes, I called it the Scottish Play, because I've been a full fledged believer in the superstition since one girl accidentally set herself on fire at auditions, whereas before I just called it what you shouldn't. I've been wanting to quit smoking for a long time now, but my willpower is so little. I did it for a while this year, several months actually. But that one day in April when I didn't get into A&M, that was it. I know I need to think of some more substantial things to do for the next year, but I just don't know what else. Going to church, maybe?

Need I say more?


I need.


I hate Davis, California; Malibu, California; Memphis, Tennessee; Cedar Falls, Iowa; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; New York, New York; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Norfolk, Virginia; Chapel Hill, North Carolina; and Dallas, Texas. All for the same reason.

At this point in my progression of Unit Summaries for my Directing production notebook I also hate action verbs.

Last day of class. It is upon us. Or me, since most people's schedules are all kinds of different. Either way. This semester's conclusion is right around the corner. One class tomorrow. No class Tuesday. No class Wednesday. Work on Wednesday. No class Thursday. Perform on Friday!!!! p.s. If you're in the San Marcos/Austin area and would care to see my debut performance at Texas State in a two person play, let me know. One final on Monday. Two finals on Tuesday. And of course, by finals I mean going to class. Turning in various projects and going to the bar with the professor. I've been looking forward to that since on the first day of class this semester Dr. Sodders pretty much just said that's what we're going to do. I don't even think I have to take any tests for finals. I'm pretty sure I just have to perform in one. And then turn in our big projects for two others, and that's it. So, being a theater major does have it's perks. Doesn't mean that I'm not looking forward to being a history major. Because, believe me, I am. Now, if I could just convince myself to fall asleep so it won't seem like forever until I'm actually done with going to class this semester.

So I don't usually like holiday music. I know, I'm not a human. This year however, I'm kind of getting into it. At work, oh yeah I forgot to mention that I got a job at the Banana Republic Outlet here in San Marcos, I've been ringing people up at the registers and been called out by customers for my Christmas cheer. I even catch myself singing along to the designer music and trying to keep up the best I can to "Carol of the Bells." The only thing I hate is when people get all Christmas-y before Thanksgiving. It's just not right. That's probably why I'm such a grinch when it comes to Christmas music and stuff. Plus, my Christmases usually suck a whole lot. Need I mention last year, when I spent Christmas alone, and had to be taken in by friends' families. So, in the spirit of December and all, I've created a station on Pandora for holiday music.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

My body has never been more tired before 10 PM. I've been running around all day long. At least I feel that way. Woke up, and my legs felt like they'd been locked up in Charlie Horses all day long. Sore calves. All day. Yay for being really productive. Maybe it was that coffee. Never really drank coffee in the morning like that. Maybe it will work for me in the future from now on. I should make that habit. I think I'm going to crash soon.

Why won't this semester just end already???

I didn't leave my house once yesterday. It was pretty awesome and pretty sad all at the same time. I have high hopes for today, though. I'm going to class soon. And later, I have rehearsal, and then I'm going to go running. I perform on Monday. It should be good. Hopefully. I think it will be.


We stand out like chubby people in checkers.

It's the home stretch. I just need to get through the next month with some grace and agility and I'll be done. I learned a lot this semester about myself, life, and my future. Next semester's going to be pretty tough too. Exactly a month from today and I'll be done with my first semester here and it's not quite they way I would have liked to finish. Nonetheless, I've grown. Hopefully, in the right direction. I don't think I'll feel right about everything really until the beginning of next year in the fall. We'll see though. Only time will tell.

Well that was a big let down. It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship. It just wasn't the right fit. The pieces of the puzzle didn't come together like they're supposed to. It's not that I'm running away from taking the leap of faith. It's that I don't feel the same way about you as I did before. You like me a lot. I get it. Thanks, I'm flattered, really. I just don't like you. I don't want to waste your time any more than I already have. When I say I don't like you it doesn't mean that I hate you, and it doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to keep hanging out with you. I do enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you. But I don't feel romantically drawn towards you. I'm not going to waste your time and mine by pretending to be falling in love with you and then get more involved and make you hurt even more. You say I need to communicate more, and yes that's true. I know that. I told you that. So I told you the way I felt. You have to respect that.

Sort of tired of everything right now. Just want to get outta Dodge. Lordy, lordy, lordy.

I want to take a road-trip. Somewhere familiar, somewhere new. I just want to do something ridiculously exciting. Things I would never normally do, unless I was on a road-trip. This semester has turned out kind of lame. School wise, that is. I think I've met someone. Only time will tell I suppose. It's just lame that I'm 22 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. Shit, I've never even been in a non-serious relationship. Lest you count the girl who dumped me on the way to prom because she was a "lesbian." She's engaged to be married. To a man. She's not a lesbian. She just didn't want to tell me that she didn't want to date me. So she lied. Yeah, that was a real serious relationship. I digress. It just scares me all the damn time. Relationships. They're this untamed beast, or this uncharted territory that I've never had enough courage to explore or try to tame. Well, I guess the only way to start having been in relationships is to finally take the fucking plunge and do it, right?

Uh, Halloween was awesome. It was probably the most fun I've had in a long long time. Yay for winning costume contests and being treated like a celebrity by random strangers.